What's going on now?????

Oh gosh it's been YEARS since the last time I've blogged on this site! It's good to know I remembered the email I used so I can continue my journaling. 

Updates to remind me that life does continue moving forward no matter what happens.... in the last 10 months, I've moved on from Kaiser and now with the DOE. Huge change from the "Private Sector" - as state calls it... some things are backwards and I'm still adjusting to the changes and the reasons why they do things the way they do. I have good people I work with - and I am so grateful for that. 

My two daughters are now in an apartment - on their own! How amazing is that??? Thanks to one of my coworkers, she helped me learn to coupon so I could buy a few things for them, not costing so much and all under $20! Everything from shampoo to cleaning supplies, food, and laundry detergent!

My son.. now 16 years old, is a Junior in high school. It's a turning point... so much responsibility he's realizing. He thought last year was HARD. This year packs a punch and he's feeling overwhelmed with all the things he needs to get done. Just had a row with him, trying to understand his feelings. sigh... teenager moments. AND not to leave out - he has a girlfriend! So much to REALLY think about!!

My wife and I are at 10 1/2 years together. My how time flies. It's not like it's been roses and skipping in the park kind of a relationship. But we sure have grown to understand and love each other through it all. 

I have so much to be thankful for - health, job, relationships, my kids... God has been good to me! Whenever I ask, HE never fails. It'll always be on HIS time, but I'll never stop praying and asking. 

This message rang clear to me today. Thank you God for that gentle reminder...

Dear Friend, No matter how many difficulties we are facing, we should have a quiet confidence that God is still in control and all things will be well.  The believer is not like other people because we have a hope in One who has never failed and never seen defeat.  The Lord of Hosts is His name and just as He has delivered us in the past, the Lord will do it again.  We simply must remain in faith trusting the Lord and knowing that all will be well despite how bleak our situation may seem right now.  Do not focus with your physical eyes, but rather see with your eyes of faith the things that are not as though they already are. (Psalm 84:11-12) (Romans 4:17) Faith and expectancy are vital parts of the believer’s arsenal.  Just as we know the sun will rise in the morning, we should have that same faith that God will deliver us and meet our every need.  Be encouraged to have a refreshed outlook on the Lord's sustenance.  Remember that God loves you and wishes for your best interest.  No matter the heartache of today, lift up your faith to the Lord and let God know that you are trusting Him despite what you see and know that All Will Be Well. (Hebrews 11:1-10) I hope this message reminds you of days gone by that encouraged and inspired you to know that despite the difficulties, your answer will come and make all things well. GRACE AND STYLE It was noon on a Sunday as I recall, the day a Mustang P-51 was to take to the air. They said it had flown in during the night from some US airport, the pilot had been tired. I marveled at the size of the plane dwarfing the Pipers and Canucks tied down by her, it was much larger than in the movies. She glistened in the sun like a bulwark of security from days gone by. The pilot arrived by cab, paid the driver then stepped into the flight lounge. He was an older man, his wavy hair was grey and tossed...looked like it might have been combed...say, around the turn of the century. His bomber jacket was checked, creased, and worn, it smelled old and genuine. Old Glory was prominently sewn to its shoulders. He projected a quiet air of proficiency and pride devoid of arrogance. He filed a quick flight plan to Montreal (Expo-67, Air Show) then walked across the tarmac. After taking several minutes to perform his walk-around check, the pilot returned to the flight lounge to ask if anyone would be available to stand by with fire extinguishers while he “flashed the old bird up...just to be safe.” Though only 12 at the time, I was allowed to stand by with an extinguisher after brief instruction on its use -- “If you see a fire point then pull this lever!” I later became a firefighter, but that's another story. The air around the exhaust manifolds shimmered like a mirror from fuel fumes as the huge prop started to rotate. One manifold, then another, and yet another barked -- I stepped back with the others. In moments the Packard-built Merlin engine came to life with a thunderous roar, blue flames knifed from her manifolds. I looked at the others' faces, there was no concern. I lowered the bell of my extinguisher. One of the guys signaled to walk back to the lounge, we did. Several minutes later, we could hear the pilot doing his pre flight run-up. He'd taxied to the end of runway 19, out of sight. All went quiet for several seconds, we raced from the lounge to the second story deck to see if we could catch a glimpse of the P-51 as she started down the runway, we could not. There we stood, eyes fixed to a spot half way down 19. Then a roar ripped across the field, much louder than before, like a furious hell spawn set loose---something mighty this way was coming. “Listen to that thing!” Said the controller. In seconds the Mustang burst into our line of sight. Its tail was already off and it was moving faster than anything I'd ever seen by that point on 19. Two thirds the way down 19 the Mustang was airborne with her gear going up. The prop tips were supersonic; we clasped our ears as the Mustang climbed hellish fast into the circuit to be eaten up by the dog-day haze. We stood for a few moments in stunned silence trying to digest what we'd just seen. The radio controller rushed by me to the radio. “Kingston radio calling Mustang?” He looked back to us as he waited for an acknowledgment. The radio crackled, “Kingston radio, go ahead.” “Roger Mustang. Kingston radio would like to advise the circuit is clear for a low level pass.” I stood in shock because the controller had, more or less, just asked the pilot to return for an impromptu air show! The controller looked at us. “What?” He asked. “I can't let that guy go without asking . . . I couldn't forgive myself!” The radio crackled once again, “Kingston radio, do I have permission for a low level pass, east to west, across the field?” “Roger Mustang, the circuit is clear for an east to west pass.” “Roger, Kingston radio, we're coming out of 3000 feet, stand by.” We rushed back onto the second-story deck, eyes fixed toward the eastern haze. The sound was subtle at first, a high-pitched whine, a muffled screech, a distant scream. Moments later the P-51 burst through the haze . . . her airframe straining against positive Gs and gravity, wing tips spilling contrails of condensed air, prop-tips again supersonic as the burnished bird blasted across the eastern margin of the field shredding and tearing the air. At about 400 Mph and 150 yards from where we stood she passed with an old American pilot saluting . . . imagine . . . a salute. I felt like laughing, I felt like crying. She glistened, she screamed, the building shook, my heart pounded . . . then the old pilot pulled her up . . . and rolled, and rolled, and rolled out of sight into the broken clouds and indelibly into my memory. I've never wanted to be an American more than on that day. It was a time when many nations in the world looked to America as their big brother, a steady and even-handed beacon of security who navigated difficult political water with grace and style; not unlike the pilot who'd just flown into my memory. He was proud, not arrogant, humble, not a braggart, old and honest projecting an aura of America at its best. That America will return one day, I know it will. Until that time, I'll just send off a story; call it a reciprocal salute, to the old American pilot who wove a memory for a young Canadian that's stayed a lifetime. By Lea MacDonald

It's already the halfway point in 2016 and so much has happened since the last time I wrote. Kids have grown, I'm going on my 9th year working, and still feeling good about life and love. 
My youngest is going to be 14 this year and he's almost 5'6" if not already. My how time flies!!!


I still have goals to reach and bucket lists to check off:
- be able to supplement my income with Purium as my vehicle - consistently, not just "on-call". 
- TRAVEL. I was promised a trip to Japan and I have less than 8 years to go - that's what my passport tells me! Next year is our family reunion - December 2017 - and I'd like to go. There's still the Vegas soccer tournament too. The following year is FRANCE and the women's USA soccer team will be there.
- buy a HOUSE! Doesn't everyone???

Challenges this past year - and well… even in the last month. 

WORK - My boss of 8 years retired after 38 years with the company. So happy for her, but sad for us! Still looking for someone to take her place. Even our Clinic Manager retired as well after 25 years. 

I was asked to apply to another position so I'm awaiting results as well. 

HOME - although financially challenged, we still continue to move forward. Feels like snail or sloth paced… must work on making goals happen!

Sounds like I'm complaining? I don't mean to. I think just writing things down from my brain helps to alleviate all the chatter in my head before I go to sleep. Hope for answers and a good night's sleep too.

Time for a change

It's a new year, and I've been full of gratitude for so many events that have already happened at the start of 2015:
1. New staff started in January and just GRATEFUL for this wonderful lady who continues to amaze me by her professionalism, her "go get um" attitude, and her positive nature that just makes work go by fast.
*Since September 2014, I've been practically doing two jobs. Then in mid November, I was doing 3 jobs. It's been challenging and quite tiring, but I love the company I work for, so I continued to plug away knowing that there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. And, there was. :)

2. Business is slowing building up and the "speed of the leader is the speed of the pack". So grateful for our team who continues to grow and learn. They are slowly become independent and they never cease to amaze me! Even those who were away because of personal reasons, they are coming back and becoming more involved.

3. My kiddies. They are so resilient. They continue to make me smile and help me continue to plug into work AND business because I know that in the end, they are the reason why I am pushing for a positive outcome in my goals for 2015.

4. My CCE group and my PSI group. Although both are different, they both help me to be accountable and they help me to be positive in all that I do. My CCE though is Christ Centered and these ladies are professional and they are full of vitality. My PSI group, I keep in touch to make sure we are still achieving our goals of what we want for ourselves and our future. Both, if we keep God as the forefront of our minds, anything ANYTHING is possible!

5. My Family - Cousins, Sisters… Do I need to say anything more? I am proud of them. I love them completely. I am at peace.

6. My Love. She is amazing. She puts up with my grumpy ways, my weird stories, my left field moments… even I think why in the world did she want to stick with me??? Through it all, she stands by me and helps me be organized when I really can't think any more.

And this is just the start. To be grateful for everything that comes my way. I cannot thank God enough for all the blessings He's been giving me! And it's only the start of the 2nd month of the year!!

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The Leadership Train

It's come to my understanding that we are ALL LEADERS. We make choices that says otherwise... Like I believed I was a follower all my life. Whatever someone said to do, I did it. Put me in the forefront, I would shy away or not speak up because I didn't feel like I had it in me to lead people.

Through my personal development journey, I learned and realized that I do like to lead. I don't love it just yet, but I'm learning that in order for my business to succeed, I had to put aside feelings not discount my or others' emotions. But in order to lead people to their greatness, I had to step up and guide them the right way. 

If I led solely through emotions, I would be stuck. If I led solely through facts and figures, I wouldn't have any friends! Leading with both and most importantly with God as my foundation, growth happens. 

I'm truly blessed to be surrounded by great friends and families who believe, who have a positive outlook, who are ambitious and coachable. 

30 for 30

October seems to be a pretty significant month... Gunning for Blue Diamond and focusing on helping our team grow... Then GBC Pearlside throws this challenge... 30 days of 30 minutes of prayer with fasting for one day a week.

It seems as though God is telling me to focus on the right goal, the right thing... And He will take care of the rest. 

So it just seems appropriate to start the month of October with prayer, sheer focus on gratitude over financials, keeping Him as our foundation over all.

Healthy lifestyle

So it's been about a year now since I went on that 10 Day transformation. Wow and what a journey that has been. Both physically and financially blessed!

Healthier... Hmmm lost and kept off 20 lbs I thought was going to be a phase. Back doesn't hurt, I sleep better, my blood pressure is way better, and my soccer game has improved! Aminos, Astaxanthin, Super Life, and Bee Energetic are my friends! 

Financially... Have made enough money to have my partner stay home and run our business full time. Yeah, it's been very good... God has truly blessed us...

I'm not here to convince you that it's the way to go. That you gotta do it and sell you the reasons why. I'm just sharing my successes. 

Photo below is about a little over a year ago on the left. On the right is this past Saturday...

A year of Change and Personal Development

I was just looking at this past year - yeah... I haven't posted since last JULY. Wow... As a read them, I was a different person back then, and so much has changed since! I was a very depressed person it seemed. My posts were like Eeyore's black cloud. Many things have changed since then...


On September 7, 2013, I made my first change. I did a 10 Day Celebrity Transformation. Thank you to Dave Sandoval, my big sister and Arna for introducing this AMAZING healthy journey. I was on a path that was full of processed foods, eating unhealthy, but healthy, but not healthy enough. I was at an all time low weighing in at 125 lbs. No babies in this body any more but I was eating as if I had twins! I bought my first size 8 pants... haven't done that EVER.


So, I decided to make the change.


I received my kit on September 11th and started the next day. For 10 days, I took a vacation from regular food, regular eating. I had my aminos and my power shake 3 times a day with apothe cherry at night. When I was hungry, I had fruits and veggies with my aminos. If I wasn't hungry, I didn't. No coffee, no juice. No chocolatey desserts, no ice cream for 10 days.


The results - 6 lbs lost and over 10 inches disappeared all over my body. I went from a size 8 to a size 4. WTH... I did another 10 days a week later and boom kanani - lost another 6 lbs another 10 inches all around. I went from a size 4 to a size 2. I was done with processed foods, eating chocolate like it was going out of style, and coffee? Coffee was no longer a part of my daily lifestyle. In fact, it's been quite dusty lately... My daughter works for Starbucks, and I had to have her switch giving us coffee to giving us tea. I haven't had regular coffee since Christmas 2013. I have, on occasion, decaf.


I have more energy and excited about LIFE!


Since then, I've done multiple mini transformations (because if I do a full one, my pants fall down) and have helped over 500 people make the same choice to be healthy!

It's about being sick...

Do you ever wonder why people call in sick on a Monday? After a full weekend of bliss or busy-ness? I wonder...

There's a lot of people who called in sick today.

I was just wondering...

Religion isn't just about God...

Tonight was the 2nd night of the Women's Arise seminar. I wasn't sure what to make of it, since I've never been to one. People told me (who attended the seminar before) that I would cry... I would learn... it would change me... to love God more.

There were many women in the seminar who have attended before and those who never attended. I was one of the ones who never attended. I didn't know what to expect the three days we were there. I went in with an open mind, not making any judgments on what was going to happen (or not).

I am learning on this journey about myself and my understanding about God. Boils down to belief.. being positive about myself, loving myself, and being truthful. To surrender, to trust - wholeheartedly. It's not easy, I know. I think about how I could be better at surrendering completely and it's hard. I did give an example of that, but to do it all the time is not that easy.

Tomorrow is the last day and there's a lot to learn. I'm glad I have close friends attending too; they're such great support!

Getting Emotional

Dear Friend,

Since I can't really write to anyone else or talk to anyone at the moment, I know you're always there listening. I seem to journal when my emotions are really high or really low... Today, it's been low. :(

So here it goes... just a vast amount of thoughts running through my mind... Tomorrow yes, is my Dad's 36th death anniversary. I think about it closer now. He died when he was 50. I was 7 years old. I'm closer to his age and I am feeling so scared. Everyone knew that he wasn't going to make it past the year - 1977. So there were some things that had to speed up in my life in the 1st grade. I received my 1st Holy Communion in the 1st grade. Usually it's the 2nd grade.. but because Daddy was not going to make it.. the Church agreed. I had received it in the hospital since he couldn't make it to the Church.

The night he passed... we were woken up at home to come to the hospital... I remembered the floor he was on, the lights were bluish looking...we walked to his room. The Dominican sisters surrounded his bed in prayer... all night... I wasn't quite sure what was happening... until Mommy said to kiss Daddy. I couldn't reach him so someone had to hold me up to at least kiss the side of his face. I didn't realize until then that he was gone.

I can't seem to stop crying. I'm writing as if I'm leaving... Like I've lost so much.

Ironically, I just met with a wonderful young pastor. Pastor Billy Lile from Grace Bible Church. Youth Minister. God appears in mysterious ways. I was meeting him because I signed a card that I wanted to do more for the youth.

Back track to when Daddy passed away...
Mommy had to raise us; single parent, huge house. No insurance, nothing for her to fall back on.. she stayed home because Daddy asked her to raise us. Now, she had to work three jobs to make ends meet. I'm sure she was wondering how she was going to do everything without him.

We were attending Catholic School and there was no way that Mommy would be able to afford the both of us in private school. Then Mommy got the call. There was an anonymous donor that wanted to give back to a family. See, he was in prison and found God. He asked the school if there was a family that needed help. The Dominican Sisters told him that we had just lost our dad... This donor... he provided and paid our school tuition for both my sister and I until we graduated 8th grade. How blessed!!! Since that time, I wanted to find a way to provide for someone.. someone who did an act of kindness to my family... I wanted to give back the same way.

Now back to Pastor Billy...
He was honest and truthful. And it hit me. This was just the way to do it.
Our youth - the chance to find God before 25 is 9:10. After that, it's 1 in 10,000. WOW right?
We need more youth ministers. Sending young adults to school to pastor them. What an appropriate time to give.
So, I'm going to give what I can. It's like God's way of letting me know this is going full circle.

I'm so grateful for everything I do have. Grateful for my Mommy & Daddy - giving me the basics, the foundation I needed to grow.

I'll feel better soon. In the meantime, my tears will continue to flow and I will continue to miss them...

Heart's a little sore

Sometimes we put ourselves in a position, choice of our own... To make heart sore. Hurts a little.

Other times, someone else make it hurt too.

Either way, my heart is sore from loving so much. I think I care too much for people. I invest in relationships, and what the outcome may be may not necessarily mean its in my favor.

Love sucks sometimes. Caring about people sucks too.

July 10th - 36 years ago

Thirty-six years ago my father passed away. I was seven years old.

I haven't thought much about my dad's "anniversary" date for so long (my wedding anniversary was the same day) that I had forgotten... So sorry Daddy...

In those few years I had with him, I remember bits and pieces of time with him...
- teaching my sister and I how to say the rosary and lead the churchgoers to say the rosary - at age 3!
- not really knowing how to read, but he was determined to teach my sister and I through singing. So my first song (not religious) "Top of the World" by Karen Carpenter. Every time I hear that song, I can see us sitting on the little chairs outside on the lanai, staring at the large yellow paper my dad had written the lyrics to the words. When we finally memorized the song, we started performing for family & friends.
- Meeting his dad, my grandfather for the first time. I was three years old - in Pangasinan.
- Taking me to his work - he was a Supervisor for Aloha Airlines. Did you know that he suggested to earn more revenue for the company, to provide alcohol on the flights??? What a scream! And of course, now every airline provides.. with a cost, of course.
- His tickles
- He used to hand feed me.

In that small amount of time, I was able to learn how patient this man was. He worked full time, was a carpenter, a photographer, and a loving husband and dad.

I really hold onto these memories because I don't have much to go on.

I get jealous and sad at the same time when I see girls with their dads and they hug them so tight... or they treat them like the plague... then there's those whose parents need care because they're elderly...

Me? I wish for more time with him. To have gotten to know him more. To hug him one more time... It's like that song - One more day by Lonestar...

Then 20 years later, Mom finally went home to be with him. Gosh, I miss them...

My Child... she's 16 now...

My story... Two days before you were born...
You were supposed to be born around the 24th or 26th of July...
We wanted to go to watch the fireworks at Ala Moana, but since it was so crowded, we ended up at Waikiki by Walls. I remembered sitting on the beach in the evening, looking at the sky light up with all the colors from the fireworks. Jayna was in awe of EACH "boom" EACH "wow!" was amazing...
Once the fireworks were over, we waited til most of the crowd was gone to get up. Jayna and your daddy had to help me up because I was so big and heavy... goodness...
Till tomorrow... your life continues to grow... 
==================================
The night before... It was late, and I was restless... I couldn't get comfortable whether I was on my left side or right. I did the pillow under my knees when I was lying on my back, but even that was uncomfortable...
When I was tired of being in bed, I went to the living room to just sit up and get tired. There was a late night movie, but I couldn't concentrate what was on... just so uncomfortable.
Lucky for us, we had back up that just in case, we had the neighbors ready to watch your older sister if we had to leave in the middle of the night. In this case, it was close to 4:00 am, July 6th, when I bolted up in pain. It wasn't like with your sister... every contraction with her were like Peter and the Wolf... false alarms. With you, it was immediate. Your dad woke up the neighbors to let them know. I went straight to the shower because I didn't know when I would get the next chance to do so...
The contractions were so close and I had a hard time moving; every step was not painful, but definitely stopped me from moving forward. As soon as I was able, I moved to get myself ready. We dropped off your sister and quickly left for the hospital.
I realized when we were about 5 minutes to the hospital, we forgot the video camera. The still camera was in the shop... So no immediate pictures of you. I had to buy disposable ones! Auntie Rhino was just grateful there were pictures!
As soon as we arrived at the hospital, got into a room, got the epidural, you were ready to greet the world. I wasn't! The epidural wasn't working and well, ready or not, within the hour we arrived, you greeted the world, bright and early.
And the rest... is not just history.. but future for you.
Hau'oli la hanau Kauanoelehua! Sixteen years of loving, sixteen years of challenges, chocolate messes, tears, laughter, memories... I love you with all my heart and soul.
Blessings to you on this day and always. I love you forever Beechabee!!!

It's been awhile...

These are those moments I cherish... to simply not talk to anyone.. be myself... quiet with just the tv in the background... not answer the phone (CHOICE)... fb if I really want to... definitely watch Friends reruns

Journaling is something that I miss doing but going to pick it up again... it's been awhile...

Life challenge - Hope Always

Do you feel sometimes that life really is challenging? Sometimes, I am at a loss of what to say, do, or feel. I think that I allow others to "control" my actions and comply. Why?

The last few weeks have been challenging, but hopefully getting better.

Hope Always.

2013 - a new journey... with LOTS of thankfulness!

It's been quite a journey I've been walking on the last 5 years. So much to think about to actually BLOG, because some things should be kept private... So what can be said?

I've definitely had some ups and downs...

The kids are great.

My Love is wonderful.

God is amazing.

I am truly blessed to be where I am, a place of my own, OUR own... a job I really do enjoy... friends and family who have been so awesomely supportive.

I learned that not everything goes as smoothly as I would like, and that's okay.

God is always in control. Once I started to understand, I knew I could leave things up to Him and somehow, it all works out. I don't know why or how, but it just does.

I'm proud of my kids. Truly. Even though #1 is not going to school, she's learning. And you know what? She's so much more open and understanding now than before. When she's ready for school, just like God... she'll go. The Mommy in me says "soon???" But really, I know, it's up to her. I'm still so proud.

Number 2 child is doing okay. Onto her 2nd (yes 2nd) bf, and well, as long as school is still good, and she's not side tracked TOOO MUCH... she is definitely very different from her sister. Very sociable, very talkative. At least they are both good to each other. They support each other the way how my sister and I were (and ARE)! Get along, "borrow" stuff.. fight.. hug.. lots of tears... still strong.

My little man... so ready to be with me. He's so kind, and loving and thoughtful. I know he's already a wonderful young man. He still kisses his Mommy in public (proud moment) and does what he is told. Oh yes, he has his moments, but his love out weighs the icky stuff.

My Love... what can I say? I would've never been in Grace Group if you hadn't pushed me. Thank you. I wouldn't have been as strong as I am now, if you didn't encourage me. I hope I am able to be a better person for you!

God is good... All the time! He is amazing. I realized that at church yesterday... that I don't mind talking about God and love and going to church. No shame, just IS.

I have amazing friends and family - sis, Arn, soccer moms, co-workers, cousins, friends... so loving, so supportive. Thank you.

And to my Guardian Angel - My Mommy.. It's been 16 years yesterday... and although I miss you I know you're here, watching over all of us... thank you for being YOU.

Things do come in threes...

Today marked a monumental day for different people...

- Darrah's birthday. My long time SHA friend from high school. She is the "oldest" of the gang to turn yet another year!

- Martin Luther King day. What a day to remember a man who had a DREAM. And his dream became reality for many!

- President Obama's Inaguration. Hawaii represented by Kamehameha Schools and Punahou's marching band.

And on a personal note.. time with my sister to clean out storage. So many times we've gone back and forth trying to get rid of stuff that we had such a hard time doing. Why couldn't we do it before? Why wasn't it easy to do? We weren't hoarders. We just held onto family memories, Mom's memories... Dad's memories... In the end, we both realized that they will always love us. We can't take these items with us to Heaven... but we can certainly share with others what Mom and Dad loved and enjoyed.

We were able to donate stuff for our cousin's garage sale, give more blankets to our dear Auntie! Yes, we still came home with a few items, but they were of our OWN memories that we decided to keep. AND to also pass on to friends who would certainly appreciate Clown Smurf... Mickey... and a few records my daughter would enjoy.

Thank you for a wonderful day, Lord! We've given, we sent our love, and we've enjoyed a day!

Oldest got her License!!!

Oldest passed her driving test!!! Yippee!!!

Enough said. :)