Truth and Consequences

Dear Diary,

I'm trying to figure out the best way to grasp this situation that has been building over the last couple of days... when in fact, it's been the last possible 10 years. I'm so naiive when it comes to people telling me, looking at me in the face, and believing what they tell me is truth. Okay. I get it. I give them the benefit of the doubt and decide that their lives are just as important as mine and I will make changes in my life to accommodate theirs.

I found out that the person I used to love just lied to me. Not only did he lie to me, he lied to his family and our kids. He's telling the truth now, but even now, I'm wondering how much of it is really the truth. There's been a string of events that really doesn't make sense, but is now making sense in a weird way. Sounds weird but there it is.

The kids - although he thinks they're okay, they're really not. One doesn't want to stay at home anymore. The other just stays out long enough and then hides out in her room. The youngest, he just wants to be loved. He says they're okay. They're fine. All is well. If he really listened to them, they're not. I'm not saying that I was an angel and when I left, it was great. Right now, it's just about taking care of the kids and keeping them safe.

Maybe I'm saying too much. Maybe I'm not saying enough. Either way, I'm finding out today because it's too much in my head to figure this all out. I don't like playing the guessing game and then be told a lie and then there's a much deeper "truth" to it all.

The consequence in all this - I don't know yet. I don't know what he's gonna say or do or ???? I'm sure I'll have more questions when he tells me the "truth".