Getting Emotional

Dear Friend,

Since I can't really write to anyone else or talk to anyone at the moment, I know you're always there listening. I seem to journal when my emotions are really high or really low... Today, it's been low. :(

So here it goes... just a vast amount of thoughts running through my mind... Tomorrow yes, is my Dad's 36th death anniversary. I think about it closer now. He died when he was 50. I was 7 years old. I'm closer to his age and I am feeling so scared. Everyone knew that he wasn't going to make it past the year - 1977. So there were some things that had to speed up in my life in the 1st grade. I received my 1st Holy Communion in the 1st grade. Usually it's the 2nd grade.. but because Daddy was not going to make it.. the Church agreed. I had received it in the hospital since he couldn't make it to the Church.

The night he passed... we were woken up at home to come to the hospital... I remembered the floor he was on, the lights were bluish looking...we walked to his room. The Dominican sisters surrounded his bed in prayer... all night... I wasn't quite sure what was happening... until Mommy said to kiss Daddy. I couldn't reach him so someone had to hold me up to at least kiss the side of his face. I didn't realize until then that he was gone.

I can't seem to stop crying. I'm writing as if I'm leaving... Like I've lost so much.

Ironically, I just met with a wonderful young pastor. Pastor Billy Lile from Grace Bible Church. Youth Minister. God appears in mysterious ways. I was meeting him because I signed a card that I wanted to do more for the youth.

Back track to when Daddy passed away...
Mommy had to raise us; single parent, huge house. No insurance, nothing for her to fall back on.. she stayed home because Daddy asked her to raise us. Now, she had to work three jobs to make ends meet. I'm sure she was wondering how she was going to do everything without him.

We were attending Catholic School and there was no way that Mommy would be able to afford the both of us in private school. Then Mommy got the call. There was an anonymous donor that wanted to give back to a family. See, he was in prison and found God. He asked the school if there was a family that needed help. The Dominican Sisters told him that we had just lost our dad... This donor... he provided and paid our school tuition for both my sister and I until we graduated 8th grade. How blessed!!! Since that time, I wanted to find a way to provide for someone.. someone who did an act of kindness to my family... I wanted to give back the same way.

Now back to Pastor Billy...
He was honest and truthful. And it hit me. This was just the way to do it.
Our youth - the chance to find God before 25 is 9:10. After that, it's 1 in 10,000. WOW right?
We need more youth ministers. Sending young adults to school to pastor them. What an appropriate time to give.
So, I'm going to give what I can. It's like God's way of letting me know this is going full circle.

I'm so grateful for everything I do have. Grateful for my Mommy & Daddy - giving me the basics, the foundation I needed to grow.

I'll feel better soon. In the meantime, my tears will continue to flow and I will continue to miss them...